The Other Side of My World

Most of my posts are about Ian. I love being a momma, but more than that, I love having Ian in our lives! He is such a blessing.

Just a heads up - this may not be the most encouraging post ever. I just want to share so that when we look back on this year, we can see all the things we have gotten through and overcome. I have so many positive things going on in my world right now, but don't want to overlook the importance of getting through the more stressful things.

With great blessing can come great responsibility (to tweak a phrase). I am a task oriented person - I often have "To Do" lists and get a lot of satisfaction in completing the tasks, even if I don't particularly enjoy the tasks themselves. Right now, I have a "To Do" list that is about three miles long and it is a bit overwhelming, mostly because I could get it done this week by myself but I think it will take a month to get everything done while taking care of a baby. I'm totally serious about that time frame too!

I was praying about it tonight and realized I just need to list everything and get it out of my head onto paper (or in this case, into a blog). So without further ado, here's my "To Do" list:

Update finance spreadsheets on the computer * Sort through three large bags of pre-pregnancy clothes to see what fits and what doesn't and what I want to get rid of * Hang Ian's name letters on his bedroom wall (they finally arrived in the mail this week) * Hang the bulletin board above my desk * Hang Aunt Lissie's art work she made for us * Clean the desk (tons of mail, receipts, etc.) * Write and mail long overdue birthday and anniversary cards that have been sitting on my dining room table for a month * Repost the drum case my hubby is selling on Craigslist * Take the recycle bin to my Mom's (she has city recycling service at her house) * Borrow her Rainbow vacuum while I am there (water based - works better for a deep clean) * (More to come - I don't have my written list with me here at work.)

I'm going to be busy for a while, huh? :-)

The other major thing I am dealing with is an extremely strong fear of getting pregnant again. We had no idea I would be so sick the first time, and we just kind of had to put our heads to the wind and keep on trudging along. I didn't really process a lot of emotions regarding the hyperemesis during the pregnancy - I was too busy trying to function on even a minimal level.

I have been kind of surprised at how strong some of the emotions have surfaced post-pregnancy. Getting through it was such an ordeal and we were so excited to have finally have our baby on this side of the belly and be back on our own two feet that I guess I expected just to move on. Apparently my subconscious has other plans for me. Little things will trigger extremely strong emotions. For example, James had a fruit drink the other night that put his colon into overdrive. I felt bad for him and did what I could, but didn't think too much of it. Later that night though, it really hit me. That little bit of misery he went through was 24/7 for me for a lot of the pregnancy.

The other night I was sleeping with a little blanket lovey for Ian so that it would smell like me and hopefully help him fall asleep on his own for nap time. I turned over in bed, taking the blankie with me. Just that little action reminded me of having to sleep with that pump, moving it every time I rolled over and gingerly adjusting my legs so all the sore spots weren't too sore.

Previously, we had thought we might look to have another kiddo when Ian was two or so. He'd be a bit older and able to do more on his own and be about preschool age if I did get that sick again. Now I'm thinking he might have to be five! Haha - we'll see what happens. I'm trusting God to help me work through the emotions. I know it is just a season right now.